Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
