How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
