I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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