I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
