i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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