I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
