Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize