that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize