can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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