ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
