Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize