We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
