In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
