You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
