I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
