College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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