Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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