Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
