dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
