he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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