everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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