I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize