I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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