I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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