Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
