my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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