I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
