I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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