i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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