Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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