Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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