tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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