oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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