Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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