oh god the rape fog is back!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
