Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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