Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
