the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
