I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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