Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
