I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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