So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
