so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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