I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
