shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
