Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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