I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone shit on the floor
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
