what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
