I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
