I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
