i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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