No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
