i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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