There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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