We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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