Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
