if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
