I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize