Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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