Don't make out with my wife yet
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
