I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
