I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
