Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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