I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
