so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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