Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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