you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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