I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
