Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
