Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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