I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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