Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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