my room smells like sperm. sweet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
