Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
