I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
