This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
