I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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