If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
