Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
