You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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