dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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