My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
