And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't deserve a penis
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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