Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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