well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize