He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
