Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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