the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
