12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
