Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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