youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
