Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
