69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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