Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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