I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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