I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
