It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont even know how to be here
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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