so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
