1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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