and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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