i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
